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"There's so many tales to tell!"

"The Amazing Fantastical History of Willy Wonka" is the second song performed in the first act by Grandpa JoeGrandma JosephineGrandpa George, and Grandma Georgina.

CircumstancesEdit

Before dinner was ready, Charlie wanted his grandparents to tell him the story of Willy Wonka. They tell him about Willy Wonka's life from the past.

LyricsEdit

Charlie:
Ten minutes 'till dinner? Just enough time to hear the story of Willy Wonka!

Grandma Josephine:
Didn't we tell you the story of Willy Wonka last night?

Charlie:
No.

Grandpa Joe:
I have a distinct recollection of telling you the story of Willy Wonka just last night!

Grandpa George:
And the night before that.

Charlie:
I don't mean to be rude, Grandpa Joe, but you are getting a bit old, and well, maybe a bit forgetful.

Grandpa Joe:
Have we really never, ever, told the boy about it?

Charlie:
Not once!

Grandma Josephine:
Well, for his entire life the tot has not once told a lie.

Charlie:
I told you so.

Grandma Georgina:
But can we answer all his queries?

Grandpa George:
Can we cover all the theories?

Grandpa Joe:
All the beds are staged, so dearies-

All Grandparents:
Let us try!

Grandpa Joe:
What a clever man he is, this Mister Wonka
There's so many tales to tell
All about the tasty sweets that made the people
Gather 'round for just one smell.

Grandpa George:
Children gnawed.

Grandma Georgina:
While in their rompers.

Grandpa George:
Chocolate eggs between their chompers.

Grandma Josephine:
'Till a tiny bird was perched upon their tongue.

Grandpa Joe:
Yes Mister Willy Wonka.

Grandma Georgina:
Has a sex appeal what makes me feel young!
There, I said it!

Grandpa George:
Oh, you little minx!

Grandpa Joe:
From all around the world they called on Mister Wonka
King, and queens, and presidents.

Grandma Josephine:
Even down in Rome, the pope left home
And in the factory took up residence.

Grandma Georgina:
Dalai Llamas and their mamas
Had such episodes and dramas.

Grandpa George:
Even Ghandi got himself into a brawl

Grandpa Joe:
For Mister Willy Wonka

All Grandparents:
We all sing for he's the king of them all.

Grandpa Joe:
There were sugar balloons.

Grandpa George:
And macaroons.

Grandma Josephine:
On feathery sweets.

Grandma Georgina:
And marshmallow treats.

Grandpa Joe:
Transforming wheezing geezers to a child.

Grandma Georgina:
And let me say that Mister Willy Wonka
Whips a swirl what makes a girl go wild
Well, he does!

Charlie:
Tell the one about the Indian prince! The one about Prince Pondicherry!

Grandpa Joe:
Oh, you like the scary ones, don't you, Charlie?

Willy Wonka went to India
Near the kingdom of Madras
Where he met Prince Pondicherry
Who was rich but awfully crass
He had wed a Maharani
Who craved chocolate for each meal
So he called up Willy Wonka
And he said-

Grandpa George:
"Let's make a deal!
I will pay a million rupee
For a house to please her belly
We will be the talk of Punjab
And the toast of all New Delhi!"

Grandpa Joe:
"I will gladly build this fortress,"
Wonka said, "but just one thing,
It will be nice for the winter
But it won't last past the spring!"

Grandma Josephine and Grandma Georgina:
"For the sun will make a river
Of this chocolate Taj Mahal"

Grandma Georgina:
"And you'll end up in hot chocolate
With your chocolate femme fatale!"

Grandpa Joe:
But the Prince he wouldn't listen.

Grandpa George:
"Use a Bon-Bon for the dome
I won't rest until my missus
Eats me out of house and home!"

Grandpa Joe:
And so Wonka built a showplace
But when summer came around
All the walls began to melt
'Till every ceiling hit the ground

Grandma Josephine:
But the Prince and Princess perished.

Grandpa George:
Drowning in the chocolate flow.

Grandpa Joe:
Yes they died 'cause they were greedy.

Grandma Georgina:
Ah, but what a way to go.

Grandpa Joe:
Oh, but, Charlie. Then the spies came!

Grandma Josephine:
Ficklegruber.

Grandma Georgina:
Prodnose.

Grandpa George:
And Slugworth.

Grandpa Joe:
Stealing every new invention as soon as it appeared. Wonka closed down he factory and no chocolate was made for a very long time. And then one night, the lights came back on again, and strange shadows appeared at the windows. Yes! The factory was up and running again! But how? Nobody's ever gone in, and nobody's ever come out. And that is one of the great mysteries of the chocolate making world.

Yes the smoke returned to the chimneys
But the gates stayed locked and chained
And strange shadows.

Grandma Josephine, Grandpa George, and Grandma Georgina:
Ghostly shadows!

Grandpa Joe:
Appeared at the window unexplained.

Grandma Josephine, Grandpa George, and Grandma Georgina:
Yes, out went Ficklegruber,
Prodnose, Slugworth.

Grandpa George:
No one went in which was quite bizarre.

Grandpa Joe:
But the factory churned.

Grandma Georgina:
And the sweets returned.

All Grandparents:
If we could only afford one bar

So, Charlie, now you're up to date on Willy Wonka
Now you know what he's about
Though it's a crying shame that no one's going in
At least the chocolates still come out.

Grandpa Joe:
Now once again each brother's daughter
Feels her mouth begin to water.

Grandma Josephine:
In Brazil they gave up coffee
For a taste of Wonka toffee.

Grandpa George:
Now each nose would sense olfactory
Thinks the factory's satisnacktory.

Grandma Georgina:
For a single whiff I might commit a crime.

All Grandparents:
Yes, Mister Willy Wonka's.

Grandpa Joe:
Like I said!

All Grandparents:
A man ahead of his time.

Grandma Josephine:
I've still got it!

Grandpa Joe:
I think I slipped a disc.

Grandpa George:
I think I need a pee.

Grandma Georgina:
I think I just had one.